May 3rd, 2006

Subject: I don't know Time: 09:05 pm Current Mood: contemplative

So i guess i haven't updated in a while. Not too much new is going on, but some big changes coming up. First, my dad is most likely going to move to Wyoming. No my parents aren't getting a divorce, but if my dad takes the job out there he will be making a crazy amount of money and i don't think he can really say no to it. It's just going to be so weird. He's flying out there next week thursday for the second interview which basically is a physical and if he passes he's hired. I don't think my mom is really taking it well. Neither am I really, but i feel like i can't talk to her about cause i'll just upset her. She said she'll stay here for a couple years, take the Wyoming bar exam and eventually move out there. It's just weird. I always thought my parents would be here and all of a sudden there not going to be anymore. I understand why my dad is doing this and that it is a good move for him, but I just don't know how to feel about it. I've never been super close with my dad cause working with him on the farm was just a bad experience, but i feel like we've just started to move past that and start to know one another and now he's going to be gone by the end of the month. It's just a huge shock i guess. On a happier note, I'm finally going to look at apartments with Jeremy and with any luck we will be moved by the end of July, maybe. Going on saturday to look at one apartment and hopefully he will like it. I've already seen it and i like it, so it's just kinda up to him now. I kinda feel like i'm being pushy with him and i don't want to do that, but i really want to move out. Kinda feel bad that i'll be leaving my mom alone now, but I think it is time that i start making a life for myself. I will be so happy when we finally move. He's so amazing, i can't imagine what i would do without him now. He's working second shift this week so i can't see him all week, which yes i know there are some people that can't see their significant others for longer stretches of time and i sympathize with that. I always spend the night at his house on saturday nights and sunday nights when i have to go home are just hell. I think it takes me like 15 minutes and him pushing me into my car to leave (not really pushing me in my car, usually i try to push him in instead). I get way too atached to people, it kinda scares me, but i really dont think he's going to end up hurting me. I can't even describe how i feel about him, i'm just not used to being happy i guess. Anyways, on that note i guess i'm done rambling.

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February 22nd, 2006

Subject: Doris made me Time: 11:35 am Current Mood: bored

It's been some time since i've updated and not too much has happened. I work at the law firm my mom works at, I'm thier new secratary. It pays alot better than kaufman's and i only have to work part time, which is wonderful. I make twice as much here in half the time. It's deffinintly a good feeling. I'm back in school now too. UB is very scary, way too big. I'm begining to be able to find my way around though. We had our first tests in both of my classes and i guess i'm not doing too bad. My lab partner does not speak english, which makes life difficult. I'm not used to all the accents, i do not understand accents at all. If i really wanted to i could take three sciences a semester for the next year and graduate on time, but i'm not insane and i do have a job too, so i'm going to graduate a year late. Which is fine, i thought i would be graduating later than that. Some one stole the information from my debit card last week and made a purchase with it in Florida. That kinda really sucked. I spent last week attempting to get my money, which was a lot easier than i thought. I had to get rid of the old debit card and get a new one, which sucked cause i haven't been able to get any money out of my bank account. Luckily the new card came in the mail yesturday so i don't have to push my car to school tomorrow. Jeremy is still wonderful and amazing. It's been a year already, which is really hard to believe it just doesn't seem that long. I still can't believe he's still around after dealing with me for a year, i think i would go insane. He actually listens to me when i freak out about nothing (which i do a lot). He's just amazing and way too good to me. I'm very happy that i have him in my life and i hope he stays in my life for a very long time. Anyways, that's about all i have to say right now so i guess i'll go back to work doing a whole bunch of nothing cause i'm the only one here right now.

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October 5th, 2005

Time: 09:30 pm Current Mood: complacent

Everything seems too good to be true right now. I don't really know how to explain it. Nothing bad or horrible has happened to me in a while and I guess I just feel like something is about to happen, but I don't know what. I hate that feeling cause it makes me think of everything that could possibly go wrong and I don't like thoughts like that. I'm probably just being stupid, but it's hard to ignore. Anyways, everything is amazing with Jeremy. He's so wonderful. It'll be 8 months on Monday, hard to believe it's been that long, really doesn't seem like it. I miss him so much though. It's not like I don't see him, cause I do, I’m just weird I guess. I don't know. I sent an application into UB for next semester; I guess we'll see what comes of that. My parent's said they would pay for it if I went back next semester so I figured what the hell. It'll only be part time so I can continue to work full time for a while. I'm going to search for a car on Monday, maybe. I'm making my mom come with me cause I don't want to go alone cause I’m just to shy to talk to car dealers and would end up running away from them instead. That and she's better at negotiating than I am. I give in too easily. I just hope I can find something; my car is just not in good shape at all. The passenger side door no longer unlocks therefore it will never open again. The fabric in the back in starting to fall from the ceiling so I can't see out my back window so well anymore. The handle on the driver's side door is starting to stick, don't really want both doors to stop working cause that would suck a lot. It drinks oil like it was its job, doesn't have a hole anywhere there. Yeah so I think it would just be a good idea to buy a new car in the very near future. Work kinda sucks, but it's what I expected when I started. I know I’m not going to be there forever so it doesn't seem so bad. You look at all the older people that work there and just wonder why the hell they wanted to work in retail for a living; it's like subjecting yourself to torture. For a short time (maybe a year or so) I can handle it, but if I knew I had to work there forever, I would just crawl under a rock and die cause there would just be no point. Life goes on I guess. That's all I really have to say, I know it's been a very long time since I’ve made an actual post, but I guess that just goes to show how exciting my life is. I'm not complaining though.

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July 6th, 2005

Time: 10:08 pm Current Mood: annoyed

If there's one thing in this world i cannot stand it's people who lie to my face and then act like it's ok. No it's not ok. That doens't even make sense to think that. I just don't get people who think like that.

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June 27th, 2005

Time: 08:43 pm Current Mood: happy

Doris told me if i update she will update too, so i'm updating, YAY. Let's see, not really too much going on. I'm working full time at kaufmann's now. I'm not too sure how many people know this, but i'm not going back to canisius next year, i'm taking the year off and then going to UB. Certain people were making it impossible for me to keep my sanity and remain there. I'm the one to blame for that one though, but i'll get over it. And yes i will go back to school cause i hate dealing with people and that's all i do at kaufmann's. If all i had to look forward to for the rest of my life was customer service i think i would cry. I know it's kinda stupid to do, but i really think i just need a break. Still trying to find an apartment, but my mom really doesn't want me to. It's not that she doesn't want me to move out, it's more that she doesn't want me to live alone and everytime i say something about it she has to mention how she pays for this or that. It's just so annoying. I don't feel like they want me to stay here, but then she keeps doing that. It's kinda confusing and annoying at the same time. I'm just going to go for it though. It'll make me feel like less of a mooch. I try to pay for most of my stuff anyways, but she pays for my cell phone, most everything to do with my car, and all the food. I don't know, since i'm not going to school this year i feel like i should be out on my own or soemthing, maybe it's just because adam moved out when he was like 16 and jake moved out last year. I'll figure something out i'm sure. In other news, I'm going camping this weekend with Jeremy and all of his friends, it should be a swell time. I have to say I'm the happiest i've been in a long time. He's so amazing, just seeing him makes me happy. I'm so glad that i met him. It's been 4 months (well a little longer) and it's all been great. Ok i'm going to shut up now because i'm getting a little too sappy.

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June 1st, 2005

Time: 11:26 pm Current Mood: melancholy

Yup, still the biggest idiot ever. Sometimes i wonder why i bother to get up in the morning. I must just look forward to seeing how much more of an ass i can make myself look like. Can i hide under a rock now cause i think i'm going to.

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May 30th, 2005

Time: 08:30 pm

I must say i do believe i'm the biggest idiot ever. That is all.

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April 7th, 2005

Time: 05:29 pm Current Mood: Alive

How can a world so big and so full of people be so empty and alone.

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March 22nd, 2005

Time: 04:58 pm Current Mood: contemplative

Life is an awkward stage.

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March 18th, 2005

Time: 02:20 pm Current Mood: mischievous

I truely believe bitchiness is contagious.

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March 16th, 2005

Time: 09:34 am Current Mood: thoughtful

I haven't updated in a while so i thought i should cause i'm bored and procrastinating. In recent news, Doris was here last week, it was amazing, but now i miss her. We didn't do a whole lot, but it was still good to have her here. We attempted to get lost, but it didn't work out so well, i guess i'm just not as good as i used to be, but oh well. Also, i have a new boyfriend, which happens like everyother week, but we've made it past the one month mark which is a huge deal for me cause i still have issues with the whole being in a relationship thing. He's wonderful though. I'm so happy that i met him. The other day he gave me a huge scare though. He said something about reading my live journal and i just felt my heart sink at that point. As everyone who reads this knows, i tend to bitch alot in here and give depressed rants, i thought for sure that alone would scare him away. Then it hit me that i have an old post about everything that happened with jim and the stuff that happened after that. I was going insane trying to figure out if he read that one, I was just really nervous about it cause i really didn't want him to think of me any differently. I ended up just sending him the post so i could get it done and overwith and off my mind. To my surprise (which really shouldn't have beena surprise) he was really great about it. We had a long conversation about it and i just felt like a huge weight had been lifted. I don't know why i worry so much about it, like amanda told me, normal people wouldn't react the way jim did. I was just so afraid of scaring him away i guess, just me being retarded i supose. So yeah anyways, before i write i book i need to pack and stop procrastinating.

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February 10th, 2005

Subject: So does this really describe me? Time: 09:54 pm Current Mood: tired

What Makes You.. by SheBangs12 Your name? Your gender? MaleFemaleOther What makes you sexy? Everything What makes you pretty? Everything What makes you loveable? How funny you are What makes you fun? Your love for everything What makes you irresistable? You're the complete opposite. What makes you cute? Your personality Quiz created with MemeGen!

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February 9th, 2005

Time: 04:05 pm Current Mood: curious

Sometimes life takes us down unexpected roads. Roads of pain, roads of torment, roads of love, roads of joy. As we travel on these roads, the only thing we can do is pray the next road will be as beautiful as the last. If the future was a prodictable i don't think that these paths we take would be as full of meaning as they are now. Who are we to sit and criticize someone for a path they chose when we know full well that simply by chance we could have taken that same path. It doesn't seem to me that life leaves us enough time to sit back and chastise people. Like a child we will discover the world around us and learn to inturpret what has been shown to us. I don't think it is even concivable to know everything and who would want to, the mystery of living is part of the joy.

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February 7th, 2005

Time: 04:04 pm

1. Reply with your name and I will write something about you. 2. I will then tell what song(s) remind me of you. 3. Next, I will tell you who you remind me of (celebrity/animated or otherwise). 4. Last, I will try to name a single word that best describes you. 5. Put this in your journal

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January 30th, 2005

Time: 01:20 am Current Mood: apathetic

Yeah, haven't updated in a while. School is going ok like usual, the room mates are awsome, work sucks,but i never expect any different. I have to say though i'm not really all that happy right now. Which doesn't mean much, i'll get over it in like a day or something, but it's just a crappy feeling. It's like the world is spinning around you and all you can do is stand there and watch as everything flies by, but i really have nothing to complain about so i guess that's good. This is one boring post, but that's all i got for now.

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January 11th, 2005

Time: 12:43 am Current Mood: embarrassed

Holding onto a dream that will never be. Taring at ones soul with longing and pain of darkness that will never come to light. How is it that the cruel game played can last but one day but the effects last a lifetime or more. Who would take the chance and tourture a soul for enternity with one careless glance. Hearts melting, souls freezing why is it fate that tempts us to jump when there is no one to catch. Tare the beating core of my exsistance from my chest once more and see if it has healed. Tears stain the cold cemented floor where all lost souls fall. I look once back at the past and am damned for eternity. I fell from grace and now my broken spirit will pay.

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December 30th, 2004

Time: 11:43 pm Current Mood: happy

For some reason I'm increadibly happy, that only happens like once every 10 years I tell you.

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December 20th, 2004

Time: 09:12 pm Current Mood: sore

I am in pain. Stupid wisdom teeth got pulled today all four of them. Did i ever mention i have no viens like at all, they stabbed me 5 times in my right arms, once in my right hand, 2 times in my left arm and 3 times in the back of my left hand before finally finding a vien. I have a million bruises from just that. My mouth hurts, i couldn't swallow for like 3 hours when i got home cause everything was numb and part of my lower lip and chin are still numb now, 9 hours later. The pain killers are helping alot with the pain, but they are making me really shaky, i imagine i look pretty funny when i walk cause i damn near fall over every time i stand up. Anyways, i'm done complaining now, i know it was all for the best, but complaining is just so much fun.

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December 14th, 2004

Time: 06:02 pm Current Mood: drained

I hate finals, i think they should die. I'm so tired and i have more stuff to study for i just really don't want to. All i want to do is sleep. That would be amazing.

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November 26th, 2004

Time: 02:53 am Current Mood: chipper

Oh life is interesting. I want to crawl in a hole somewhere and sleep for like 4 days, would anyone be opposed to that? Yeah i thought not. I really can't wait for winter break, i want a break where i don't have to do homework the entire time, that would be just swell. But i think tomorrow is going to make up for that, ya know the whole working on black friday, good stuff i tell you. Oh yes and the best part about my being a rebelous teen in the last few months that i still have as a teen. My mom told me that i couldn't go see doris so my credit card slipped and accidentally bought a ticket, um oops. So i'm just going to disapear for 5 days and hope no one notices, not to sure that will work though. I think i have run out of things to say and it is 3 in the morning so my bed is calling me.

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